Written by Nicole McKendry, Clinical Hypnotherapist
When I sat down this morning to write this article for National Fertility Awareness Week, I had every intention of discussing the benefits of hypnotherapy for IVF and preparing your mindset for the treatment… but the more I looked at the blank page on the screen I just couldn’t shake five little words that were repeating in my mind ~ I’m sorry there’s no heartbeat. Why was I thinking of them? Good question, perhaps it was because I had been reading some of the #fertilityin5 tweets on twitter or simply reflecting on my own fertility… either way those words were not something I had read or even heard during a talk with a client, they were spoken to me directly some years ago and the more I thought about those five dreaded words, the more I realised I had something else to write today.
The taboo of miscarriage and childlessness is very easily swept under the rug but when I think of my own experience… it’s a very lonely place to be. People are still very uncomfortable with the subject and the consensus seems to be it’s better not to mention or talk to you about it. The only problem with that is when your pain, loss and fears are not acknowledged it can almost feel like no one really cares and that baby never mattered. I like so many I’m sure (yes even therapists need a little support) found myself joining groups with those that had shared the same loss… but after a while I realised that I found no solace in those Facebook pages, in fact if anything they made me feel worse and prevented me from healing that wound. Thankfully I was able to use my own therapeutic techniques to heal from that loss but I realise today that the emotional scar it left, likes to let itself be known when something like writing this article touches a nerve.
It’s here I find myself today, thinking about those woman like myself over 35 that have experienced a loss and still remain childless. So today although a little more close to home than I had intended, I dedicate this article to all the women over 35 who are trying to conceive…. it’s time to create a fertile mindset ladies.
First things first, those on the outside looking in… if they’re not supporting you, then you don’t need that kind of negativity in your life! It’s very easy I know (and I’ve treated clients who have experienced it), to feel stress and anxiety when people place judgement or make assumptions on why you don’t have children when you get to a particular age... let's be honest who needs someone highlighting that already loudly ticking clock! The truth is not always because career comes first or it's due to being unable to have children, for many the fear of being too old and leaving it too late creates a belief system, a mindset that almost works to block fertility and can be the cause of many unexplained fertility issues in over 35s were no medical cause has been found. It’s those established set of attitudes that need to change... replace negative attitudes and responses with positive and forget the myths, the stats and the lack of support by breaking down your own walls that support those limiting beliefs, fears and instead create a fertile mindset that supports your fertility mentally, emotionally and physically.
Most importantly remember that the mind-body connection is a powerful one and your mind, what and how you think can have a direct influence over your body.
“Where there are no tangible medical complications of pregnancy, the risks of childbirth in older women are no greater than in younger women” … Editorial, British Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology
To get your started, I’ve provided a quick self-hypnosis exercise below to help you visualise conception. If you don’t have time to do this, then I recommend you take the positive affirmation and repeat it to yourself daily. Change starts in the mind!
Find yourself a quiet place where you can relax undisturbed for 15 minutes:
I trust my body, my body knows how to conceive a healthy baby
If you would like to discuss creating a fertile mindset or conceiving over 35, you can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
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