Broken hearts, broken promises and broken dreams… love can shatter our world and leave us feeling lost, exhausted and disillusioned. We empower those who have hurt or left us to define our future and align our happiness and ability to love another within the constraints we bind ourselves in after a painful break up.
“You can search through the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.” – Buddha
There is no one, not even the ‘perfect partner’ who can make you feel happy and loved if you have failed to create a space within yourself for self-love. Loving and accepting ourselves is the key to our own wellbeing and happiness. Self-love is finding what makes you happy and only you. It’s about developing an intimate relationship with yourself that does not rely on someone else’s approval or love. Too often I see clients that have given up on love because they are unable to overcome the pain or betrayal of an ex-lover and have resigned themselves to being a “failure in love”.
The truth is… they have fallen out of love with themselves! Self-love should be your first love not your last. It’s more than just feeling good, it’s an appreciation of self and it grows and strengthens from those activities and actions that support your psychological, physical and spiritual growth.
So for those of you spending Valentine’s Day without a date… now is the perfect time to start a love affair with yourself, it might just change your life.
Follow our guide below to starting a Self-Love Routine:
Being present in your life enables you to open up your heart and mind so you can feel what is it you need instead of what you think you want. Be mindful of who you are and act on this, rather than on what others think you want.
We should always be concious of what we say to ourselves because we are always listening. Set the intention to say something kind to yourself every day, such as “I am a beautiful and powerful person.” Affirmations are a great way to reinforce how we feel about ourselves and draw positivity into our lives.
Too often we struggle to say ‘no’ to work, friends or family. Create boundaries that nurture you and avoid committing to activities that zap your energy both physically and emotionally.
We all make mistakes, none of us are perfect and you know what…that’s ok! Instead of beating yourself up and worrying what others are thinking, let it go and move on. Learn from it and then leave it in the past where it belongs and give no more thought or time to it.
Pamper yourself, take a long soak in a candle lit bath with your favourite essential oil or herbal tea bath. Meditate or take up a hobby that you love. Find time to be in your own company doing the things that you love. Forget waiting for someone to buy you flowers, treat yourself to a beautiful bouquet. Listen to your body and mind, go for a run or walk, take time out for yoga or meditation.
Accept and Love Yourself
Be your own authentic self! It can be exhausting trying to be someone you’re not or being the version of yourself created by someone else. As Kurt Cobain once said “Wanting to be someone else is a waste of who you are.” Accept who you are and embrace that person. We are all unique and accepting and loving ourselves for who we are leads to happiness and equilibrium. Your wellbeing and happiness is an inside job. The only person that can take it away from you is you!
Instead of trying to avoid Valentine’s Day this year, why not ignite that love affair with yourself and fall back in love with you.
Love is all around us but with the pressures of everyday life it can become all too easy to lose focus on the positive feelings of happiness it can bring into our lives. As the daily grind wears away at us we can start to take for granted the amazing gift that is sharing and receiving love with those that mean the most.
When we talk about love we are not just referring to the romantic kind. Love comes in so many different shapes and sizes, it means something different to each and every one of us and even when you think you can't find it, you only need to stop and look around to see that love is present in every part of our lives. You just need to be willing to take the time to notice.
That is why we have put together a list of 20 Love Affirmations for every love in your life. They include affirmations for all aspects of love from family to self-love and from the romantic to finding your own version of love in the everyday. So take five minutes, clear your mind and repeat the affirmations below out loud, focusing on each word as you say it. Repeat daily and refocus your consciousness to allow yourself to welcome love back into your life.
If you would like a bit more detail on what exactly an affirmation is, how they work and what they can be used for we wrote a whole post about them here.
20 LOVE AFFIRMATIONS
It’s a little early I know but who am I to deny a little Christmas magic to seep into my work and home while we prepare for the arrival of the festive season. After all it’s been a chilly weekend… my excuse for finding me curled up in front of the roaring wood burner this Sunday evening watching Miracle on 34th Street, immersed in the magic of what is Richard Attenborough’s heart warming performance as Santa Claus.
So what should you do if your child is frightened of Santa Claus?
First of all stop and step back… really try to look at the situation from their perspective. For young children who are still developing an understanding of imagination and reality there is very little to compare this to, it is a common fear in children between the ages of 2-7 years. Santa as an omnipresent being is everywhere and sees everything. Let’s not forget the famous song ‘Santa Claus is Coming to Town’
Children are presented with a stranger in a red suit who is all seeing, all knowing… someone they can’t hide from! So it’s understandable that some children will find it all a little overwhelming and upsetting to start. Don’t give up on your dream of taking your child to see Santa and letting them relive the magic you once experienced. Most children outgrow those early fears of Santa but until they do, here are a few tips to help you through the festive period:
Don’t Force Them
If you know your child is afraid don’t use bribes or threats. It’s true… that perfect photographic shot is within reach, just a few gentle nudges forward. The question is at what cost? It’s important not to push your child until they are ready, or you run the risk of potentially causing psychological harm and further emotional stress.
Acknowledge Their Fear
Remember this is about putting your perspective to one side and seeing the situation from theirs. A grotto can be noisy, crowded and even the “Ho, Ho, Ho..” from Santa can be unsettling. Never mind the beard, suit, gloves and the fact you are asking them to sit on the lap of a stranger! Every child is unique and so are their fears.
It’s important to reassure them that it’s safe and everything is ok. Stranger anxiety develops in children around 6 months and is a natural and normal part of development. However, it’s also important to maintain a safe approach when it comes to strangers. Perhaps introducing the concept that they only talk to Santa when a trusted adult is with them.
Take it Slow
Talk about Santa, read stories about him and show them pictures. Visit Santa’s workshop/grotto a few times and allow your child to observe Santa from a distance that they are comfortable with, perhaps even wave to him and gradually move closer. This will enable them to become familiar with him and intrigued. If they have older siblings why not encourage them to watch while they visit with Santa. If/when they decide to get closer, don’t feel it necessary to force them to sit on Santa’s lap if you feel this is distressing them. Instead, encourage them to stand next to Santa and talk to him from a distance they are comfortable with.
Be patient and resist the urge to tell them Santa is not real. It’s likely this fear will dissipate on its own, so why not use the time to build your child’s trust.
Finally… if your child is still distressed, don’t force them to see Santa. Wait and try again next year!
#fearofsanta #childphobias #dundee #standrews #scotland #christmas
Over the years, we have been asked by quite a few people if there is a meaning behind our name,
Therapy in the City.
The short answer to that question is yes!
To us, the words Therapy in the City are a way to describe finding your calm in the rush of life.
Let us explain…
Therapy is of course part of what we do as a global hypnotherapy and mind coaching practice and is defined by the Oxford Dictionary as a treatment that is intended to relieve or to heal. For our clients, therapy is a process they can use to relax their minds and bodies, it allows them to refocus, reenergize and reinvigorate their lives.
However, this idea of finding calm is not just something we believe is reserved exclusively to therapy sessions, it is everywhere. It can be found in small things such as a well-deserved quiet moment with a good cup of tea or a quick cuddle with the dog to big moments such as climbing mountains and travelling the world. To find any sense of calm is to find your therapy and that is where the first part of our name comes from.
The City Part...
The second part, City, might at first seem self-explanatory. We currently work from clinics in St Andrews and Dundee but over the years we have held practices all over the UK and of course we are now available for sessions online in cities, towns and villages all over the world. So, the City part of our name refers firstly to the location of our business but on a deeper level it refers to the general rush of everyday life.
Many of us are living in a hectic hurricane, we are torn between the things we need to do and the things we want to do. For many people day to day life can seem to fly past in a blur of work and to do lists and over time this state of constant tension can lead to anxiety, stress and even depression.
That is why we believe it is important to take even just five minutes a day to find a little piece of calm and enjoyment, to take a step away from the rush of life and allow yourself some Therapy in the City or as we call it TITC.
Come and join our search for calm over on Instagram and #findyourTITC
Written by Jade Fraser-McKendry
There's always room for one more on our Therapy couch... so whether you join us daily, weekly or just when you have time to stop by we hope that our therapy chatter allows you to take time out in your busy life, to unplug from your everyday stressors and simply breathe, listen and change!