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Looking for Love? Self-love Should Be Your First Love.

13/2/2018

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Broken hearts, broken promises and broken dreams… love can shatter our world and leave us feeling lost, exhausted and disillusioned.  We empower those who have hurt or left us to define our future and align our happiness and ability to love another within the constraints we bind ourselves in after a painful break up. 


“You can search through the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.” – Buddha
There is no one, not even the ‘perfect partner’ who can make you feel happy and loved if you have failed to create a space within yourself for self-love. Loving and accepting ourselves is the key to our own wellbeing and happiness.  Self-love is finding what makes you happy and only you.  It’s about developing an intimate relationship with yourself that does not rely on someone else’s approval or love.  Too often I see clients that have given up on love because they are unable to overcome the pain or betrayal of an ex-lover and have resigned themselves to  being a “failure in love”. 

The truth is… they have fallen out of love with themselves! Self-love should be your first love not your last.  It’s more than just feeling good, it’s an appreciation of self and it grows and strengthens from those activities and actions that support your psychological, physical and spiritual growth.
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So for those of you spending Valentine’s Day without a date… now is the perfect time to start a love affair with yourself, it might just change your life.

​Follow our guide below to starting a Self-Love Routine: 
 Be Mindful 
Being present in your life enables you to open up your heart and mind so you can feel what is it you need instead of what you think you want.  Be mindful of who you are and act on this, rather than on what others think you want.  

Be Kind 
We should always be concious of what we say to ourselves because we are always listening.  Set the intention to say something kind to yourself every day, such as “I am a beautiful and powerful person.” Affirmations are a great way to reinforce how we feel about ourselves and draw positivity into our lives.

Set Boundaries 
Too often we struggle to say ‘no’ to work, friends or family.  Create boundaries that nurture you and avoid committing to activities that zap your energy both physically and emotionally.

Forgive Yourself 
We all make mistakes, none of us are perfect and you know what…that’s ok!  Instead of beating yourself up and worrying what others are thinking, let it go and move on. Learn from it and then leave it in the past where it belongs and give no more thought or time to it.

Self-Care 
Pamper yourself, take a long soak in a candle lit bath with your favourite essential oil or herbal tea bath. Meditate or take up a hobby that you love. Find time to be in your own company doing the things that you love. Forget waiting for someone to buy you flowers, treat yourself to a beautiful bouquet.  Listen to your body and mind, go for a run or walk, take time out for yoga or meditation. 

Accept and Love Yourself 
Be your own authentic self! It can be exhausting trying to be someone you’re not or being the version of yourself created by someone else.   As Kurt Cobain once said “Wanting to be someone else is a waste of who you are.”  Accept who you are and embrace that person.  We are all unique and accepting and loving ourselves for who we are leads to happiness and equilibrium. Your wellbeing and happiness is an inside job. The only person that can take it away from you is you! 

Instead of trying to avoid Valentine’s Day this year, why not ignite that love affair with yourself and fall back in love with you. 

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20 Love Affirmations for Every Love in Your Life

12/2/2018

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Love is all around us but with the pressures of everyday life it can become all too easy to lose focus on the positive feelings of happiness it can bring into our lives. As the daily grind wears away at us we can start to take for granted the amazing gift that is sharing and receiving love with those that mean the most.

When we talk about love we are not just referring to the romantic kind. Love comes in so many different shapes and sizes, it means something different to each and every one of us and even when you think you can't find it, you only need to stop and look around to see that love is present in every part of our lives. You just need to be willing to take the time to notice.

That is why we have put together a list of 20 Love Affirmations for every love in your life. They include affirmations for all aspects of love from family to self-love and from the romantic to finding your own version of love in the everyday. So take five minutes, clear your mind and repeat the affirmations below out loud, focusing on each word as you say it. Repeat daily and refocus your consciousness to allow yourself to welcome love back into your life.

If you would like a bit more detail on what exactly an affirmation is, how they work and what they can be used for we wrote a whole post about them here. 

20 LOVE AFFIRMATIONS
​FOR EVERY LOVE IN YOUR LIFE

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I love myself for who I am and all that I do
I listen to my heart and follow my own path
I am strong and secure in my own ability
I honour my commitments to myself
I am truly beautiful inside and out
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​I accept that love and relationships are perfectly imperfect
I love being loved and giving love in return
I speak with an open heart and listen with a loving ear
I am open to embracing feelings of romance
I am worthy of love and deserve to be loved unconditionally
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I am understanding and considerate of the feelings of those I love
I maintain peace and calm when talking to members of my family
My family is a source of joy and contentment
I am supporting of my family and they support me in return
My home is a place of harmony and love

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I see everything around me with loving eyes 
In all that I do I find elements of joy and love
I deserve love and I find it in abundance
My heart is always open and I offer loving vibes freely
My world is surrounded by love and I am happy

#affirmations #love #self-love #family #romance #mindfulness
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The Mind-Water Connection

1/2/2018

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#health #nutrition #brainfuel
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Add a little calm to your home

11/1/2018

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Our home should be our sanctuary. The outside world is always waiting with its to do lists, deadlines, appointments and meetings and it’s important to find a place to escape from the strains of everyday modern life. Even for just a short while we need to allow ourselves the chance to relax and unwind from today so that we can recharge our mind and body for tomorrow.
 
Relaxation is not a luxury it is a necessity in modern life. The stress many of us are dealing with on a day to day basis far exceeds the healthy levels that the human body was designed to handle. As a result, many of us are stressed, tense and suffering from the long list of symptoms this brings with it such as headaches, digestive problems and sleep difficulties.
 
That is why we have put together a list of our top five favorite ways to encourage a sense of relaxation and add a little calm to your home…
 
Light a candle
The soft glow of a candles illumination provides a calming alternative to the often-harsh effects of artificial light. There have been links made between fluorescent lighting which can be found in many commercial environments and the effects this has on increasing feelings of anxiety and stress. Switch this off completely with the gentle flicker of a natural light instead.
 
 
Nurture a little nature
Focus on your breathing by adding fresh flowers and plants to your home. They have been linked to improved air quality and a decrease in tense feelings. Nature has long been connected to a reduction in stress levels and studies have shown that these benefits can still be found when nature makes its way inside the home.
 
 
Diffuse the situation

Diffusers can use essential oils to benefit the mind and body. The inhalation of the vapors they release into the air allows us to absorb the health benefits they can provide. Fragrances such as lavender, cedar wood oil and jasmine are just some of the options for increasing a sense of calm.
 
 
Snuggle up with a blanket

Wrapping up in any cosy blanket is sure to calm the nerves but if you are struggling with anxiety or high levels of stress a weighted blanket could be the ideal solution. Based on the principles of deep pressure touch stimulation these specially designed blankets trigger a reaction in the body that releases feelings of calm and security.
 
 
Find your rhythm
Research has found that music can hit the right note for relaxing your mind. Your favourite songs can offer a focus point for your attention and allow you to explore your inner thoughts and emotions through the music, lyrics and feeling they provide.

​While these tips are great for helping to encourage feelings of relaxation and provide ways to decompress after a hectic and stressful day, if you are experiencing an overwhelming sense of stress and anxiety that is beginning to impact your day to day life it may be beneficial to find someone that can offer you professional advice on dealing with these feelings.
#calming #relax #stressrelief
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Lifestyle Guide for 2018

9/1/2018

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Many of us view the start of a new year as an opportunity to make changes, try new things and set personal goals and challenges for the months ahead. We have spent the last few weeks thinking about what we want to achieve in 2018 and have decided that more than anything we want to be happy. We want to take the time to enjoy life's simple pleasures, make time for those we love and most importantly have fun along the way.

Come and join us as we breathe, escape and grow...
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#lifestyleguide #2018 #breathe #escape #grow #lifeplan #newyearnewgoals
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Surviving Christmas

5/12/2017

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There’s an unnamed sadness that lurks in the shadows as Christmas spectacularly rolls into town.  Behind the dazzling lights, the magic and excitement something else creeps in… for those of us that can’t wait to decorate the tree, write our Christmas cards, sing carols, socialise and find joy in all that is festive we never really see it.  Yet it can be a heavy burden for those we know who find Christmas difficult, it latches on and can mean December and the dark winter nights are filled with anxiety, panic and sadness.

If you are dreading Christmas and would rather hibernate until January, then it could be the result of your Christmas phobia (it’s not so short technical name is Chrisougenniatikophobia). 
The Cambridge dictionary describes a phobia as

“an extreme fear or dislike of a particular thing or situation, especially one that cannot be reasonably explained.”  

So how did you develop this phobia? 

There are many who would describe a Christmas phobia as stemming back to an unpleasant event or trauma from childhood that is associated with Christmas.  This could be your parents separating, feeling excluded or even the annual family arguments during the festive period.  This may resonate with some of you but in my experience as a therapist, there are many who develop this phobia in adulthood.

Take a moment…
Think about the last time you really enjoyed Christmas without that unnamed sadness weighing you down.   What’s different between then and now, have you lost something, do you carry a pain you didn’t before? It can be easy to project what is really fuelling our phobia on to consumerism, overspending and indulgence… but let’s be honest even Scrooge and The Grinch had a reason behind their bah humbug philosophy.  

If you are tired of wondering how you are going to survive Christmas, then maybe it’s time to start thinking about finding a little inner peace with the season.  This isn’t about present buying, cooking mince pies or volunteering to lead the local choir at the carol concert.  It’s about learning to feel happy again at this time of year, letting go of whatever the fear and emotions are that your mind has associated with Christmas.  Some of these may be:

A trauma that coincided with the festive period.

Challenging family relationships making you dread visiting the in-laws.

Suffering from a social anxiety and avoiding the office party or shopping.

Death of a loved one either in December or having to spend the festive period without a loved one.

Dealing with a relationship break-up at this time of year, spending Christmas without them or associating Christmas as the catalyst for a loved one ending a relationship in January.

Perhaps we should even consider that the sadness and dread you feel each festive period, is not a fear but a part of a grieving process you haven’t yet completed. Think of your feelings and sadness like the ghosts of past, present and future from a Christmas Carol. Understand your past has shaped who you are but release the fears and pains associated with it. Do not hide away from your own emotions and allow yourself to truly live in ​the present and be mindful for the future but remember that it is in the now that we forge the life we come to live. 

If you’re at odds with this festive season and that oppressive dread and anxiety is weighing you down, why not make a choice to change? As a therapist I have worked with numerous clients to help them find a little magic again in Christmas but more importantly they find joy and happiness in life and the anxiety and sadness that seems heightened in December doesn’t follow them into the New Year.  Sometimes surviving Christmas is facing those emotions, fears and pains that we have buried deep inside of us and finally letting them go. 
 
Written by Nicole McKendry
#phobia #christmasphobia #depression #sadness #scrooge #hatechristmas #survivingchristmas
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The Real Christmas Gift Guide

2/12/2017

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​As the hordes of frenzied Christmas shoppers descend onto high streets this December it is becoming harder and harder to identify the festive cheer that we are promised this time of year is sure to bring. With the passing of each year, happiness seems to come packaged in increasingly expensive boxes that leave many of us feeling emotionally and financially stressed in the attempt at making sure it can be found under our tree come Christmas morning.
 
But in this hunt for consumerism driven joy many of us are actually losing out on the simple pleasures and fulfillment that can be found in the traditional values of Christmas such as love, kindness and charity.
 
In the words of Dr Seuss,

‘what if Christmas he thought, doesn’t come from a store
What if Christmas perhaps means a little bit more’

 
That is why at Therapy in the City we have put together a list of our top meaningful Christmas gifts that can help to bring true happiness this December to you and all those you choose to share it with.
 
 
TIME
When we think back on the best Christmas of our lives it will be on a rare occasion that memory relates to a material gift. The truly great memories all lead back to a moment shared with family and friends, a time well spent with those we love. This December take time out from work, from social media, from the holiday to do list and give someone the most precious gift of all, your time.
 
HOPE
This year take the time to acknowledge the people within our communities that are struggling this December. Homelessness, isolation and illness effects thousands of people across the country and for many they are forced to endure these hardships alone. This Christmas help to remind the most vulnerable in our society that they are not alone by working and volunteering with one of the many registered charities and organizations that attempt to offer hope and support to those that need it most.
 
CHARITY
Just because you are attempting a more meaningful Christmas does not mean that gift giving is completely off the list. What is does mean is that what you give has more intention. For every Christmas treat you purchase why not donate an item to your local foodbank or for each new gift a child receives why not donate something to a Christmas toy drive in your area. In this way, we can all remember to be mindful of what we truly need and not just want we think we want.
 
KINDNESS
Random acts of Kindness is a phrase that most people will have probably heard. Wikipedia describes it as ‘… a selfless act performed by a person or persons wishing to assist or cheer up an individual… there will generally be no reason other than to make people smile, or be happier.’ We don’t think there could be any better reason than this to give the gift of kindness. From something as simple as a smile and pleasant word to assisting someone with a difficult task, this act is limitless.
 
The best thing about these gifts is that you can give them year after year, month after month. Far from having a sell by date these gifts will last long after the Christmas decorations are packed away. In fact if you choose to, these gifts can last a lifetime.
 
‘I will honour Christmas in my heart and try to keep it all the year’

                                                                                                              Charles Dickens.


#meaningfulchristmas #christmasgiftguide #randomactofkindness 
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The Nightmare Before Christmas

30/11/2017

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It’s a little early I know but who am I to deny a little Christmas magic to seep into my work and home while we prepare for the arrival of the festive season.  After all it’s been a chilly weekend… my excuse for finding me curled up in front of the roaring wood burner this Sunday evening watching Miracle on 34th Street, immersed in the magic of what is Richard Attenborough’s heart warming performance as Santa Claus. 
As adults we have the luxury of time, years of experience to reminisce on happy Christmas memories. Those exciting and magical eve’s waiting for Santa to arrive and awaking to a bulging stocking before running downstairs to see if he had left gifts under the tree.  Santa Claus embodies the spirit of Christmas, a sense of innocence and adventure. For most children a visit to see Santa is a fun and magical time leading up to Christmas Eve but for what as adults we perceive as harmless fun, can in fact be a traumatic experience for some children.

So what should you do if your child is frightened of Santa Claus?
First of all stop and step back… really try to look at the situation from their perspective. For young children who are still developing an understanding of imagination and reality there is very little to compare this to, it is a common fear in children between the ages of 2-7 years.  Santa as an omnipresent being is everywhere and sees everything. Let’s not forget the famous song ‘Santa Claus is Coming to Town’ 

​“…He sees you when you’re sleeping, 
He knows when you’re awake, 
He knows if you’ve been bad or good, 
So be good for goodness sake!...”
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​Children are presented with a stranger in a red suit who is all seeing, all knowing… someone they can’t hide from! So it’s understandable that some children will find it all a little overwhelming and upsetting to start.  Don’t give up on your dream of taking your child to see Santa and letting them relive the magic you once experienced. Most children outgrow those early fears of Santa but until they do, here are a few tips to help you through the festive period:

Don’t Force Them 
If you know your child is afraid don’t use bribes or threats. It’s true… that perfect photographic shot is within reach, just a few gentle nudges forward. The question is at what cost? It’s important not to push your child until they are ready, or you run the risk of potentially causing psychological harm and further emotional stress.   

Acknowledge Their Fear
 
Remember this is about putting your perspective to one side and seeing the situation from theirs. A grotto can be noisy, crowded and even the “Ho, Ho, Ho..” from Santa can be unsettling.  Never mind the beard, suit, gloves and the fact you are asking them to sit on the lap of a stranger! Every child is unique and so are their fears.  

Santa Who? 
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t’s important to reassure them that it’s safe and everything is ok.  Stranger anxiety develops in children around 6 months and is a natural and normal part of development.  However, it’s also important to maintain a safe approach when it comes to strangers. Perhaps introducing the concept that they only talk to Santa when a trusted adult is with them.

Take it Slow
Talk about Santa, read stories about him and show them pictures.  Visit Santa’s workshop/grotto a few times and allow your child to observe Santa from a distance that they are comfortable with, perhaps even wave to him and gradually move closer.  This will enable them to become familiar with him and intrigued. If they have older siblings why not encourage them to watch while they visit with Santa.  If/when they decide to get closer, don’t feel it necessary to force them to sit on Santa’s lap if you feel this is distressing them. Instead, encourage them to stand next to Santa and talk to him from a distance they are comfortable with.
 

Believe
 Be patient and resist the urge to tell them Santa is not real. It’s likely this fear will dissipate on its own, so why not use the time to build your child’s trust.

Finally… if your child is still distressed, don’t force them to see Santa.  Wait and try again next year!
Written by Nicole McKendry
#fearofsanta #childphobias #dundee #standrews #scotland #christmas
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What does Therapy in the City Mean?

10/5/2017

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​Over the years, we have been asked by quite a few people if there is a meaning behind our name,
Therapy in the City.

The short answer to that question is yes!
 
To us, the words Therapy in the City are a way to describe finding your calm in the rush of life.
 Let us explain…

The Therapy Part...

Therapy is of course part of what we do as a global hypnotherapy and mind coaching practice and is defined by the Oxford Dictionary as a treatment that is intended to relieve or to heal. For our clients, therapy is a process they can use to relax their minds and bodies, it allows them to refocus, reenergize and reinvigorate their lives.
 
However, this idea of finding calm is not just something we believe is reserved exclusively to therapy sessions, it is everywhere. It can be found in small things such as a well-deserved quiet moment with a good cup of tea or a quick cuddle with the dog to big moments such as climbing mountains and travelling the world. To find any sense of calm is to find your therapy and that is where the first part of our name comes from.

The City Part...

The second part, City, might at first seem self-explanatory. We currently work from clinics in St Andrews and Dundee but over the years we have held practices all over the UK and of course we are now available for sessions online in cities, towns and villages all over the world. So, the City part of our name refers firstly to the location of our business but on a deeper level it refers to the general rush of everyday life.
 
Many of us are living in a hectic hurricane, we are torn between the things we need to do and the things we want to do. For many people day to day life can seem to fly past in a blur of work and to do lists and over time this state of constant tension can lead to anxiety, stress and even depression.

#find yourTITC
 
That is why we believe it is important to take even just five minutes a day to find a little piece of calm and enjoyment, to take a step away from the rush of life and allow yourself some Therapy in the City or as we call it TITC.
 
Come and join our search for calm over on Instagram and #findyourTITC 

#findyourTITC, #relaxation #howtobehappy
Written by Jade Fraser-McKendry

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Amazing Affirmations

26/4/2017

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If you have stopped in at our Therapy Couch in the past you will know that we well and truly believe that change starts in the mind. As we tell all our clients and just about anyone that pops by for a chat, what the mind conceives the body can achieve, it really is as simple as breathe, listen, change.
 
So today we wanted to take the chance to share with you how we start our morning’s here at TITC and let you in on ​Therapy in the City’s Top Ten Amazing Affirmations. These quick and simple positive phrases will help you to start making and implementing life changing beliefs and the best part is you will only need to squeeze five minutes out of your day to give it a go.
So, what are affirmations?
If you have been anywhere near social media (particularly Pinterest) in the past few years, you are sure to have heard whisperings on the amazing effects of positive affirmations. In simple terms affirmations are statements that you make to yourself, about yourself and for yourself. 
 
They consist of positive declarations about specific aspects of your life, ranging from the personal to the professional and work by routinely affirming to yourself (just like the name says) positive thoughts and beliefs. The daily repetition of these statements is made using the current tense, to solidify in your mind that they are not simply who or what you want to be, but who you already are. So instead of saying I want to be happy, an affirmation would mean saying out loud and proud, I am happy.
 
By presenting your goals for change as declarations of truth, affirmations can start to adjust the way you think and feel about yourself and your life. They can help to focus, motivate and guide your subconscious mind to start pushing out negative and limiting beliefs and replacing them with seeds of visualization that you can help grow into positive transformations.
How to get started...
​We know this might all seem a bit strange at first, the process of telling ourselves how amazing we are and admitting what we feel we truly deserve to have and feel is sadly not the norm in everyday life. That’s why we have made it a little easier with our video below, not only does it give you 10 daily affirmations to practice, it also allows you to say them along with us (your new affirmation buddies) until you get comfortable with the process.
 
We would recommend for best results that you repeat each affirmation around five times a day, every day, really allowing yourself to focus and absorb the words you are saying. Remember for affirmations to work you need to believe in what you are saying and trust in the truth of your statements.
 
So, pop yourself down in your happy place, click play and let’s start making a change. 

#affirmations | #positivity | #makeachange
Written by Jade Fraser-McKendry
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  • Therapy in the City
  • Meet Your Therapist
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